Do you suppose that if it gets hot enough, we'll be able to walk outside and find little crabcakes lying all over the place on the ground?

TO THE BEAUTIFUL MISS LILY EVANS
O APPLE OF MY EYE, APHRODITE OF THE WORLD AS I KNOW IT, BEAUTEOUS GODDESS OF LONG FLAMING TRESSES, AND SO ON AND SO FORTH

How are you this fine and lovely day? I suppose it must be wonderful because every day in your presence is wonderful. I expect that you have some sort of permanent bubble of Wonderful around you at all times simply because you are so very fair and so very virtuous.

Wait, stop, don't burn this letter, there's more, I'll stop talking about your outstanding beauty that brings light to my da- no, wait, Lily, okay, I'm actually stopping! Look, here, see, stopping!

Because this is a very urgent matter. You see, I was wondering if you recalled your sweet words of weeks past when you promised me, "James Potter, I wouldn't marry you unless the world were ending!"

Well. It has come to my attention lately that, well, the world, from what I gather, is currently in a state of, well, ending, if these abandoned towns and lack of people and man-eating crabs (no, don't worry, my sweet, I am perfectly fine) is any indication. Therefore, at this moment in time, I am requesting my due in what I am owed regarding that promise.

Humbly.

If possible, I would like a wedding after graduation and please wear a dress similar in cut to that breath-taking gown you had on during the ball in fourth year and also, if you are requiring a dowry, send all relevant information to my address in Devonshire as right now I am unable to gather sufficient funds. Thank you.

Yours truly, with love, eternal adoration, everlasting devotion, and great, great, great humility,
Your Fiancé, James Potter ♥